Everybody seems to have shouted and frothed their disapproval of the Affleck and JLo remake of Casablanca. Well, if everybody thinks this is such a bad idea why is it still happening?

Or, as Mrs Martial asked, "There's not a single writer who can come up with a timeless story about now?" She then cursed foully for the next eight minutes straight.

How closely will they hue to the script? Will the Marseillaise still be used as the symbol of a free world fighting fascism? OK, it'll be all right if they just change the name of the bar to "Dicks".